Play Catch, Not Dodgeball: A Better Way to Connect with Autistic People

Barb Avila
Nov 17
2 min read

...and maybe everyone

Imagine you’re outside on a sunny day, tossing a ball back and forth with someone you care about. You throw the ball, they catch it, and when they’re ready, they throw it back. That’s the rhythm of connection: one ball at a time, one exchange at a time.

Now picture something very different: instead of waiting for the ball to come back, you keep hurling ball after ball, faster and faster. Suddenly, it’s not a game of catch anymore—it’s dodgeball. The other person isn’t playing; they’re ducking, shielding, overwhelmed.

This is the difference between connecting with an autistic child, teen, or adult in a way that feels safe and supportive versus unintentionally overwhelming them.

The Catch Analogy

One ball = one bid for connection. A question, a statement, or a gesture is your “ball.”
Wait for the return. Give space for processing. Autistic people often need more time to think, feel, and respond.
Respect the rhythm. Connection isn’t about speed—it’s about reciprocity.

The Dodgeball Trap

When we throw too many “balls” at once—rapid-fire questions, layered instructions, or repeated bids for attention—it stops being playful. Instead, it feels like pressure:

Overload. Multiple inputs at once can overwhelm sensory and cognitive systems.
Withdrawal. The person may shut down or disengage to protect themselves.

Practical Tips for Playing Catch

Throw gently. Use clear language without a lot of "fluff" (extraneous words)
Pause. Count silently to at least 45 before repeating or rephrasing. Otherwise, you re-set the clock for their processing every time you say something different.
Notice their cues. Leaning into you, gestures, or words are all ways of “throwing the ball back.” Eye contact is not necessary but may be a way of connecting.
Appreciate the return. Whether it’s a word, a smile, or a nod—it’s connection.
End on a good note. Leave the person wanting more rather than exhausting them. Making it short and sweet may be preferable.

One Ball at a Time, One Exchange at a Time.

Playing catch is about joy, rhythm, and trust. When we connect with autistic people—whether they’re children, teens, or adults—the same rules apply. One ball at a time. One exchange at a time

Connection isn’t about how many balls you throw—it’s about how much you connect.