Play Catch, Not Dodgeball: A Better Way to Connect with Autistic People

Connecting with Autistic Individuals: One Ball at a Time

Imagine you’re outside on a sunny day, tossing a ball back and forth with someone you care about. You throw the ball, they catch it, and when they’re ready, they throw it back. That’s the rhythm of connection: one ball at a time, one exchange at a time.

Now picture something very different: instead of waiting for the ball to come back, you keep hurling ball after ball, faster and faster. Suddenly, it’s not a game of catch anymore—it’s dodgeball. The other person isn’t playing; they’re ducking, shielding, and feeling overwhelmed.

This illustrates the difference between connecting with an autistic child, teen, or adult in a way that feels safe and supportive versus unintentionally overwhelming them.

The Catch Analogy

• One ball = one bid for connection. A question, a statement, or a gesture is your “ball.”

• Wait for the return. Give space for processing. Autistic individuals often need more time to think, feel, and respond.

• Respect the rhythm. Connection isn’t about speed—it’s about reciprocity.

  
  

The Dodgeball Trap

When we throw too many “balls” at once—rapid-fire questions, layered instructions, or repeated bids for attention—it stops being playful. Instead, it feels like pressure:

• Overload. Multiple inputs at once can overwhelm sensory and cognitive systems.

• Withdrawal. The person may shut down or disengage to protect themselves.

  
  

Practical Tips for Playing Catch

Throw Gently

Use clear language without a lot of "fluff" (extraneous words). This helps in making your message clear and concise.

Pause

Count silently to at least 45 before repeating or rephrasing. Otherwise, you reset the clock for their processing every time you say something different.

Notice Their Cues

Leaning into you, gestures, or words are all ways of “throwing the ball back.” Eye contact is not necessary but may be a way of connecting.

Appreciate the Return

Whether it’s a word, a smile, or a nod—it’s connection. Celebrate these small moments of interaction.

End on a Good Note

Leave the person wanting more rather than exhausting them. Making it short and sweet may be preferable.

One Ball at a Time, One Exchange at a Time

Playing catch is about joy, rhythm, and trust. When we connect with autistic individuals—whether they’re children, teens, or adults—the same rules apply. One ball at a time. One exchange at a time.

Connection isn’t about how many balls you throw—it’s about how much you connect.

Understanding the Importance of Connection

Connection is vital for everyone, but it holds special significance for autistic individuals. The way we communicate can either foster a sense of belonging or create barriers. Understanding this can help us build stronger relationships.

The Role of Patience

Patience is key when connecting with autistic individuals. They may take longer to process information or respond. By allowing time, we show respect for their pace and comfort.

Building Trust Over Time

Trust is built through consistent, respectful interactions. Each positive exchange reinforces the bond. This is crucial for autistic individuals who may have experienced misunderstandings in the past.

Creating a Safe Environment

A safe environment encourages open communication. Reducing sensory overload and providing clear expectations can help autistic individuals feel more secure in their interactions.

Conclusion: The Power of Connection

In conclusion, connecting with autistic individuals requires intentionality and care. By throwing one ball at a time, we can create meaningful exchanges that foster understanding and trust. Remember, it’s not about the quantity of interactions but the quality of connection that truly matters.

Embrace the rhythm of connection, and you may find that the joy of meaningful interactions is well worth the effort.