I hope you and your family enjoy the holidays and find peace in your days. I thought you might appreciate some suggestions for making gatherings easier for your loved one who is autistic.
First, a brief overview of autism and anxiety. Autism affects communication, social interactions, and regulation. Due to these characteristics, anxiety is often high for many autistic individuals. It’s understandable; if you struggle to express feeling overwhelmed, have difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues, and find small talk uninteresting and nonsensical, anxiety is a likely result.
Anxiety can manifest in various ways in you and your child or loved one. It can appear as anger, controlling behavior, aggression, withdrawal, blank stares, or confusion. It can present as all of these at once and may linger for some time.
The best way to ease anxiety for someone autistic is to provide information about what to expect. Unpredictability or surprises commonly lead to anxiety for autistic individuals.
Ways to make things more predictable or expected:
Involve them in who will be attending the dinner/celebrations
Be sure to have predictable and enjoyable foods available for them if they do not typically eat the usual holiday fare
Share timelines for when guests will arrive and leave
Provide a general agenda for your time together, including:
fun activities for them
toasts or prayers marking the start of the meal
Write down expectations for their participation and ensure plenty of breaks
Show them areas or rooms where they can retreat and regroup
Allow them to bring special items with them
Agree on a code word or similar signal for when they (or you) are nearing the edge and need to leave
Draw a map of the house or space, highlighting safe/quiet areas they can access
Allow stimming and pacing, and defend your child or loved one if questioned or judged. Stimming and pacing are often vital for an autistic person to feel safe, process, and experience the world.
Be specific with your child and others about touch and hugs if they are common. Unexpected touch is highly stressful. Practice and encourage everyone to seek consent before touching and respect a "no" without taking it personally.
I hope these suggestions inspire ideas tailored to your own family and situations. Wishing you wonderful moments together.
~ Barb Avila
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